If there is a drama group out there looking for a very funny, felicitously written four-handed play that will come totally new to its audience, it need look no further.
Unless, that is, the planned venue is Walsall's Grange Playhouse, because that is where I saw its FIrst production with an audience as captivated as I was.
But anywhere else on the planet, Oysters and Snails is guaranteed an audience that does not know what to expect. What it will get is joy unconfined.
Philip Holyman wrote it for Walsall's Fellowship Players, of which he is a member. It's about two couples who, over the course of two acts, permutate the possibilities and successively become six couples, with everybody pairing off with everybody else.
It could have been oh-so-sleazy, but it's a delight, dancing its way through a spotless script. Its carrying-ons owe nothing to cinema's Carry Ons. Part of its charm is that there is not a hint of a wink or a naughty nudge.
Many of the funniest lines fall to the daffy Nicky character, and they draw much of their strength from the fact that they are ear-teasingly tortuous and wondrously wacky, delivered with a po-faced solemnity by a girl you would not suspect of being able to harbour the thoughts that she is voicing so ponderously.
There's less of this in the second act, but there is ample compensation as surprise goes on being heaped on surprise and the plot assumes the shape of what you find yourself hoping against hope is an unusually long corkscrew.
But you can't win 'em all and it's all over in 90 minutes. If there's any justice, Oysters and Snails will go a long way. Philip Holyman has more details at firstname.lastname@example.org and 07960 039236.
* The advantage of knowing nothing about a subject is that one can proceed in blessed ignorance of any self-serving and possibly stupid rules that may have been shaped by those whose job it is to know something about it.
From where I am sitting, therefore, it is not difficult to believe that rightsholders of musicals are justified in wanting their scores returned to them in the best condition possible, although they will necessarily be deteriorating while successive musicians make meaningful pencil marks on them.
But I was alarmed to hear that two members of a musical theatre group, and their daughter, had between them spent ten hours cleaning up scores after its latest show, after the band had left them in a mess and the musical director had said she was not paid to rub things out.
I don't know whether the Musicians' Union lays down any ground rules about scores or not. Perhaps it doesn't - and indeed it should not be necessary. All that is required is that its members have a civilized attitude to other people's property.
And if they are incapable of being civilized, and if their musical director is incapable of helping them towards such an obvious goal, then it seems inarguably apparent that the musical director, who is paid to take responsibility whether or not he has a bunch of selfish oiks beneath his baton, is the one who must step up to the mark.
His rostrum is where the buck stops - unless, of course, making bucks is more important than stopping them in the music-making business.
In any sane society, it should certainly not fall to volunteers whose group forks out annually increasing sums, both to the musical director and the musicians, to find that they have to clear up after any messy miscreants their company has had the misfortune to employ.
If the musicians won't do it, the musical director is logically the next in line. It should be clear that if pigheaded obstinacy and selfishness are in the way, perhaps a little logical ignorance is just what's needed.
* Birmingham's Crescent Theatre is about to spend a week introducing four new directors in charge of four short plays.
The venture opens on Saturday with The Street Cleaner, written by Jefferson Collins and directed by his wife Lauren, and it is coupled with 100, written by Neil Monaghan, Diene Petterle and Christopher Heimann and directed by Andy Jones.
Running in repertoire is a Eugene Ionesco double bill of The Lesson and The Bald Prima Donna, which opens on Monday, directed by Colin Simmonds and Kelly Manteli respectively.
Birmingham youngsters aged from eight to 18 will be performing Disney's High School Musical from tonight until July 5 at the Crescent Theatre. They have been rehearsing at the Brit Youth Theatre Schools in the city since September - and next September there will be auditions for the next production.
More information is available at thebrityouththeatre.co.uk and by telephone at 07958 949 858 and 0121 354 4973.
* Like the Crescent Theatre, Union Theatre of Solihull likes to get outside on an annual basis, and when it presents Romeo and Juliet from Wednesday to Saturday next week at Manor House Gardens in High Street, Solihull, it will be members' 22nd annual outdoor production.
Unlike the Crescent, its leaflet reveals the start time, which is 7.30 pm. For the record, the Crescent's performances of A Midsummer Night's Dream at four venues begin variously at 6 pm, 7 pm or 7.45 pm. The first one you can catch is at Birmingham Botanical Gardens tonight (7.45 pm).
* WHAT'S ON
A Midsummer Night's Dream, Crescent Theatre Players, Birmingham Botanical Gardens (to tomorrow; Castle Bromwich Gardens (June 28); Hall's Croft, Stratford-upon-Avon (July 5 & 6).
Post Mortem, Hall Green Little Theatre (to Saturday).
Humble Boy, Swan Theatre Amateur Company, Swan Theatre, Worcester (to Saturday).
Comic Potential, Highbury Little Theatre, Sutton Cold[fb01]eld (to Saturday).
Private Lives, Sutton Arts Theatre, Sutton Cold[fb01]eld (to Saturday).
Hot Mikado, BMOS Youtheatre, Sutton Coldfield Town Hall (to Saturday).
Disney's High School Musical, Brit Youth Theatre, Crescent Theatre, Birmingham (to Sunday).
See How They Run, Priory Theatre, Kenilworth (to June 30).
The Street Cleaner & 100. Crescent Theatre, Birmingham (June 28; July 1, 3 & 5).
The Bald Prima Donna & The Lesson, Crescent Theatre, Birmingham (July 2, 4 & 5).
Romeo and Juliet, Union Theatre, Manor House Gardens, Solihull (July 2-5).