Harborne's Moorpool Players got more than they bargained for when they presented themselves as the Reformation Players and unleashed an evening of dramatic disasters under the heading of Coarse Acting Strikes Back.

It was their spoof programme that proved to be the final building block in the abysmal compendium of catastrophes.

Director John Healey - whose productions until now have guaranteed an evening of excellent theatre - says, "The programme told a sorry tale of rebellion, expulsions for dodgy deeds and the disappearance of the treasurer with all the funds. I wrote it as a preamble to an apology for lack of rehearsal time and the possibility that things might not be as perfect as normal."

It was this that prompted some unexpected responses.

Surprised, but grateful, John tells me:"We had several offers from kind people who were willing to help as treasurer and who expressed astonishment that we had managed to keep going. Others made it very clear that they preferred the Moorpool Players to the Reformation Players."

Having digested the programme's sombre tidings before curtain-up, the patrons than watched while Trapped, a thriller, was turned into near-farce by a succession of blunders. Doors fell off, a corpse was stuck in a cupboard and a gun failed to fire. There were memorable death scenes.

Jane Austen's Pride at Southanger Park was perfect, apart from the sound of endless arguing between the sound and lighting team and the early departure of one of the leading actors to attend the birth of his child - after which, a Greek tragedy also became a catalogue of calamities.

John Healey says, "I now realise that what I wrote in the programme was perhaps a little too convincing, but I wanted to produce something in keeping with the mayhem on the stage.

"Despite rumours to the contrary, the Moorpool Players are alive and very well."

* Also alive and well are Sutton Cold-field's Vesey Players, despite my colleague Roger Clarke's tongue-in-cheek comment that the first night their Aladdin last week went at the pace of an onrushing snail.

Roger was Widow Twankey, and like the rest of the company he was full of sympathy when chorus member Caroline Miley responded to the customary cries of "Break a leg" by slipping on some steps on the first night and damaging a toe and an ankle.

Roger tells me: "After a night and day with her foot wrapped in a bag of frozen peas she hobbled around the stage on Thursday, limped around the scenery on Friday and battled through the pain with some dancing on Saturday.

"She would have been much better using the Widow Twankey style of dance - smiling sweetly at the audience and blending in with the furniture. I decided long ago that I suffer from dyslexic feet, thus starting the tradition of the song-and-stand-still man."

But apart from his terpsichorean immobility, Roger had other problems. In the course of a 40-second dress change, the zip went on the replacement frock just as he heard his entry cue.

He says, "It is quite a challenge to do a scene holding a dress up and trying not to turn round with balloon boobs desperate to make a bid for freedom."

* I was given a moment of pure theatre, reminiscent of the Ministry of Silly Walks of happy memory, when I received a letter from my recently discarded electricity supplier, npower.

It started, "Sorry you're leaving us" - and it was signed by Andrew Elliott, Sorry You're Leaving Team.

* I hear of a child who was taken to see a performance of Oliver! and who totally floored her parents when she was being taken up to bed - by asking who Lisa was.

Understandably, they wanted to know what she meant.

She replied, "Lisa, I want some more."

Johnslim47@aol.com

WHAT'S ON

Love Begins at 50, Highbury Little Theatre, Sutton Coldfield (to Saturday).

Ghost Writer, Sutton Arts Theatre (to Saturday).

Handsworth Gang Show, Crescent Theatre, Birmingham (to Saturday).

Groping for Words, Nonentities, Rose Theatre, Kidderminster (to Saturday).

Private Lives, Swan Theatre Amateur Company, Swan Theatre, Worcester (Feb 14-23).

Five Blue-Haired Ladies Sitting on a Green Park Bench, Circle Players, Aldridge Theatre (to Saturday).

Robin Hood, Phoenix Players, Stratford-upon-Avon Civic Hall (tonight).

Antigone, Birmingham School of Acting, Crescent Theatre, Birmingham (Feb 21-23).

Robert Zucco, Crescent Theatre, Birmingham (Feb 21-23).

The Hired Man, Talisman Theatre, Kenilworth (Feb 23-Mar 1).