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The Fried Chicken Shop (Channel 4, 9pm)

‘Clapham remind me of Spain – everybody is happy.” So says one of the regulars at Roosters Spot chicken shop.

Change “Spain” for any 18-30 type holiday destination and “happy” for “drunk” and that sentence would be easier to agree with.

After the success of the Cutting Edge documentary The Fried Chicken Shop: Life in a Day, the staff and customers of South London’s most famous chicken joint are back for a three-part series. It’s the ultimate in people watching.

Fixed cameras followed the shop for three weeks, filming love, laughter and things to make your jaw drop.

 Programme makers claim the venue attracts people of every walk of life. Which is true, if all walks of life are young or wearing track suits.

There are a couple of people out of sorts with the main chicken shop clientele, including 60-year-old transsexual Jesse, who won’t win any friends with her habit of insulting what other people are wearing. 

The shop’s busiest night is Saturday, when all the partygoers spill out of the pubs and clubs and continue their attempts at pulling while queuing for chicken and chips. If you want to know what chat up lines to not use in your pursuit for love, you’ve come to the right place.

But if you went to Roosters Spot during filming, you might want to avoid watching this. Especially if you were drunk.

There will be a lot of Clapham residents cringing at their own behaviour tonight.

Fazer’s Urban TakeOver (BBC Three, 9pm)

If you haven’t heard of Fazer, don’t worry; it just means this show isn’t for you. He’s the third member of N-Dubz  – the one who hasn’t hit the headlines due to drugs or spitting at women at a petrol station.

Last year he performed with a classical orchestra and now wants to be BBC Three’s answer to Gareth Malone from The Choir.

Over two programmes, Fazer will take seven young urban performers, who “prefer beats to Beethoven”, and give them a crash course in classical music before plonking them on stage with the BBC Symphony Orchestra at the Proms.

Or “Britain’s Got Talent for posh people,” as one kid calls the world famous music event.

Fazer has his work cut out. His aspiring artists think classical music is for rich, old, boring people. And the only one who’s been to a classical concert ended up falling asleep.

Hmmm, what’s the betting that by the end they’ll think it’s, like, epic and well sick?

Which, for those not down wiv da kidz, are good things.

James Martin’s Food Map of Britain (BBC One, 6.30pm)

If this had Heston Blumenthal’s name at the start, the resulting programme would be him going all Willy Wonka and making an edible 3D map of the nation.

James’ show is a bit more down to earth. Except it’s not. The gimmick of this one is him taking to the skies for a panoramic view of how we grow and produce our food.

He starts hovering over the South-east, where there are lots of breathtaking coastal shots and vast expanses of green. Then he comes back to terra firma to meet the fishermen of Hastings and whip up a Dover sole dish on a beach. Next James is off to pick cherries in Kent.

It’s a very easy to watch programme, airing at a time when you’re probably thinking about what to make for dinner.

If you don’t like fish there’s a cherry trifle to copy. Or just go for the pudding’s topping – toffee cherries. Because toffee apples are sooo yesterday.

SOAP ROUND-UP

Emmerdale (ITV1, 7pm)

It’s going to be hard for Debbie to get Cameron to chat about the start of his killing spree – and even harder now he’s decided to surprise her with an engagement ring.

On the other hand, with the detectives listening in next door like they’re in the Big Brother bungalow she’ll have a ready made video of Cameron’s proposal.

Coronation Street (ITV1, 7.30pm and 8.30pm)

Stella’s conscience is troubling her tonight far more than Karl’s ever did. 

She’s in drunken bits, feeling guilty that Sunita and a fire-fighter both died because Karl was so madly in love with her that he actually went mad.

This is the unreported downside to being a femme fatale – the guilt afterwards.

Eastenders (BBC One, 8pm)

Ronnie and Jack are back on. Woo! and indeed, hoo! that something is finally going right for somebody in Albert Square.

I just wish we could say the same for Jean.  When Ollie returns bearing flowers and chocolates (he’s a walking cliché, but at least he’s a nice walking cliché) Jean’s chance at happiness is snatched away from her.

And by somebody who really ought to know better.