Johnny Depp’s four Pirates of the Caribbean movies grossed almost $4bn, so here’s a wacky idea from Disney.
Stick a bird onto Captain Jack’s head, rename him Tonto and hope nobody notices he’s not all at sea.
Oops-a-daisy! The Lone Ranger’s reputed $250m budget has been hung, drawn and literally almost quartered at the US box office.
But has it become a victim of the strange kind of negativity which haunts expensive blockbusters?
Make up your own mind as you watch a young boy (Mason Cook) walk into a San Francisco fairground and meet the mannequin of an old Native American which magically springs to life ready to talk.
Back in 1869, John Reid (Armie Hammer) is a handsome lawyer about to be deputised by his brother Dan (James Badge Dale).
Following a bloody shootout, the on-the-scene younger Tonto suggests crusading survivor John wears a mask to become invincible.
Other leading characters include brothel madam Red Harrington (Helena Bonham Carter), captive criminal Butch Cavendish (William Fitchner) and a railroad boss called Latham Cole (Tom Wilkinson).
He’s even dodgier than the film’s sense of geography, but the arrival of Butch’s fellow outlaws kick-starts the first of several high-octane action sequences. Pirates’ screenplay writers Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio deliver plenty of Captain Jack-style ‘ticks’, reinforced by a Hans Zimmer score fizzing with familiar motifs leading to a marvellous reworking of Rossini’s William Tell Overture.
Original Pirates’ trilogy director Gore Verbinski passed on part IV and instead won the 2012 best animation Oscar for Rango, which Johnny Depp voiced.
With whistling bullets galore and some unpleasant knife-work, the violence could have warranted a 15 certificate.
And the running time of 149 minutes is so overlong for Disney that few will see the end credits’ walking sequence.
Together with the outrageously cinematic Monument Valley landscape, and some lush cinematography by veteran Yugoslav Bojan Bazelli (King of New York), The Lone Ranger is the year’s most handsomely mounted picture.
Seen purely as escapist entertainment, producer Jerry Bruckheimer style, it’s at times the most exciting live action film for years.
Because most of the stunts are so wonderfully old school – Harold Lloyd meets Jackie Chan via John Ford and Raiders of the Lost Ark – Disney isn’t wasting this in 3D.
But you can see it in IMAX. ‘Nuff said.
