If there is a biscuit to take, Inzamam-ul-Haq will grab it. The sleepy looking giant completed a nighmarish week in a mad ten minutes before tea at Headingley yesterday.
His side was cruising along at 447 for three, only 68 adrift and threatening to take a decent lead by close of play.
The second new ball had come and gone with 76 runs smashed off its first 14 overs and another 68 off the next 19, and Younis Khan was batting magnificently for 173, his 12th Test hundred.
Having had a rotten match as captain and batsman a week ago at Old Trafford, he compounded that with a woeful display of captaincy on Saturday, but he had eased his way to 26 with the haven of his dressing room and a cup of tea only two overs away. It was then that "Inzy" scrambled his brains. His running between the wickets has been an international joke for 14 years and England could consider themselves hard done by that they had not benefited in two-and-a-half Tests. The captain called Younis for a ridiculously tight single and Sajid Mahmood threw his man out by a foot.
The crowd welcomed the wicket after nearly six hours without one, but it was not just a crumb of comfort, it started a relative feast. The hapless Faisal Iqbal was plumb lbw to Paul Collingood to leave Monty Panesar to bowl the final over before tea to...guess who?
The first four balls were carefully blocked, but a wild, ungainly sweep at the fifth produced a scene that would not have been out of place in the Keystone Kops.
"Inzy" missed the ball as his momentum turned his bulk around to face his stumps. A Bruce Forsyth of yesteryear might have twinkle-toed his way past the stumps, but the bails were disturbed by one of most generous midriffs in the game and down he went for the count of out.
It is believed he is the only international cricketer ever to be given out hit-wicket, handled the ball and obstructing the field. Quite a unique looking hat-trick to treasure with those run-outs.
Single-handedly, he turned the game on its head and denied his side to opportunity to exploit what appeared to be a considerable advantage. The tail did its best, with the last-wicket pair putting on 42 but a total of 538 meant the tourists lost their last seven wickets for 91. What a waste.
Before"Inzy", Mohammad Yousuf and Younis put on a glorious exhibition of classical strokeplay, during which three of the home four-man attack found it impossible to keep the run-rate under four per over.
Goodness knows where Andrew Strauss would have been without Panesar, whose economy rate was miraculously well under three, compared with 380 from 85 overs of sub-standard pace.
Yousuf and Younis hardly broke sweat in a morning session in which they helped themselves to 129 from 31 overs. It was a session in which personal landmarks came and went with bewildering speed. Yousuf treated the nervous 90s with contempt, square-cutting Harmison for four before he went from 96 to 102 in the grand fashion, hooking the fast bowler for six.
It was his 18th Test hundred and his fifth against England and, as usual, he genuflected to kiss the pitch. He had then faced 143 balls and hit two sixes and 11 fours, and reached three figures 16 overs before his partner, who started his innings half an hour earlier on Saturday.
The 250 came up in the 66th over and 300 13 overs later, with Strauss juggling his fragile attack in vain. Yousuf went from 100 to 150 off 73 balls and the slaughter continued in the afternoon session. Younis had never scored a hundred against England but, having reached his 12th before lunch, he poured it on. The record third-wicket partnership passed 300 in 72 overs and was worth 363 in only 11 more when Steve Harmison finally made one bounce to Yousuf on leg stump.
He got a high flying edge, only to see Chris Read take off and pull down a stunner. The recalled wicketkeeper has had a fine match, snaffling two difficult chances and not letting a single bye. As in the West Indies in March 2004, his general glove work masked several poor returns from the outfield.