* Most cringe-worthy moment: The appearance of Tory chairman Francis Maude on the platform in T-shirt and paint-spattered jeans, proclaiming that he had just been helping to renovate a former Bournemouth church into a community centre. You could almost see the halo above his head.
* Misconception of the week: That Tory education spokesman Boris Johnson was under siege in the press office and hiding from howling reporters demanding that he should explain to them his criticism of Jamie Oliver's campaign for better school meals. Johnson was in fact trying to write a 2,000-word piece for the Times Higher Education Supplement.
* Memorable joke of the week: No award this year.
* Most eyebrow-raising comment of the week: A Bournemouth taxi driver recommending a particular hotspot in the town. "I have dropped loads of Tories there," he said. "Basically, it's a knocking shop."
* Total chaos note: If you thought that no one could make a bigger hash of distributing security passes than Labour at Manchester last week, you were wrong. The Tories surpassed them, with people queuing up for days on end. One smug official said: "I think we have sorted it out now." That was just a matter of hours before the Gaffe of the week: The implication by shadow Chancellor George Osborne that his opposite number, Gordon Brown, was autistic.
* Most heroic event: Political commentator Peter Oborne risking the wrath of the health and safety militia for puffing on a cigarette in the non-smoking area.
* Summing up of the week: "The atmosphere in Bournemouth has been like a cross between a convention of the Jehovah's Witnesses and an SDP conference of the mid-1980s" - political commentator Simon Heffer.
