Paul Broadhurst's record around Wentworth, by his own assessment, is "shocking."
He invites you to look it up. To go round in two under par 70, then, as he did on day one of the BMW PGA Championship, was surely cause for a mild celebration.
Instead Broadhurst walked off the 18th hole, which he birdied, with his eyebrows pointed steeply upwards and complained: "I left two or three shots out there today."
But then he thought about his day's work and conceded: "Considering how I usually play around here, perhaps 70 wasn't that bad."
He had actually hit one of the drives of the day down the final fairway, smacked a five-iron to 20 feet and 'not bad' didn't seem to be a worthy description of his four.
"But you know me," said the Atherstone golfer. "I'm not happy on the greens, I can't hole anything from eight to ten feet and those are the putts you've just got to make."
And he had three-putted twice.
Broadhurst said that he had not been happy with his golf at the Forest of Arden in the British Masters, or in the tournament before and he is in the course of an adjustment to his swing.
He had been working on "something new" with his coach Bob Torrance, dismissed the enquiry as to what it is as "technical s***" but it has something to do with his left shoulder at the start of the downswing.
"I tried to get it right in Ireland last week and it was so-so. And that's what it was today," he said.
"It feels awkward but when I get it spot on, it works. I shall just have to stick with what it is I'm trying to do. I'm going to try to make the cut and if I do that at this place, I'll be chuffed to bits."
In the two tournaments that Steve Webster has played since his maiden victory in the Italian Open, he has started his opening round with a double bogey.
He did so at the Forest of Arden and he repeated the mishap yesterday. Spectacularly.
Webster dragged his tee shot so far right that it hit the starter's hut on the East course and he then had to play out of a bed of flowers.
But, as at the Forest of Arden, Webster dug deep for the signs that his round could be rescued. He battled back to level par with a birdie at the 16th and then went to one-under when he played an exquisite flop shot to 12 inches from deep rough by the side of the 18th.
He was rather more pleased with his 71 than his fellow Atherstonian, Broadhurst, had been with a 70.
But he matched Broadhurst's terminology when he described his putting as "s***". Webster reckoned that he had missed five birdie putts from inside eight feet.
"But I'm happy with the way I'm playing," he said. "No problems there."
Or with the blistered feet that caused him to withdraw from the Irish Open last week.
Golf, for John Bickerton, is just too harsh a game at the moment.
He described his 77 as rubbish and was appealing to some divine force to find him a few birdies.
He made one yesterday. The Droitwich Spa golfer hit his driver to the 17th, went through the green with his second and nearly chipped in. Little else that he did pleased him.
"I can't hole a putt and every time I make a mistake, I get knifed for it," he said.
He wasn't striking the ball too badly, though, and his search now is for something positive to lock on to.
"But life's not too bad," said this philosophical soul. "I could be throwing two-andahalf grand away on something else."