Love and marriage go together like oil and water for author Guy Blews. Alison Jones talks to the man who hates weddings.
Tradition decrees that today's the day women can go on bended knee to propose to their long or even short term loves.
Any girl foolish enough to try the same with author Guy Blews would be greeted with a pitying smile and handed what he regards as his "instruction manual" - his book Marriage and How To Avoid It. The Truly Cynical Guide.
Undeniably provocative, Guy says he did not intend it to act as red rag to the bulls of romance. He does believe in love, in long term relationships and even in the idea of "the one", it is just he feels that commitment through marriage is not only an unnecessary expense, it is also doomed to fail.
"I think it is such a weak answer to the eternal question. It just says 'I don't really trust you. I don't really believe in you'. I need you to prove it and you are going to by doing this'.
"It makes a mockery of the institution itself. It is meant to be built on this leap of faith and I call it a leap of doubt."
In his book he posits that we are brainwashed from childhood to believe that we should and will be married when we are adults and if we don't or aren't, we have somehow failed.
This is in spite of the fact that the parents and elderly friends and relatives responsible for promoting this idea have around a 50 per cent chance of being divorced themselves, therefore, Guy argues, they know it doesn't work.
"Even the ones that last a lifetime I wouldn't call them successful necessarily.
"I wish there could be a happily ever after but unfortunately the truth is the majority of marriages end in divorce and if they don't they are pretty miserable or as I call it, a cesspool of regret.
"I went to Mexico last week and there was a couple of
married women on the trip and the first one came up to me and says 'My friend, she disproves you. She is so happily married'.
"Well she ended up having an affair while she was out there and the other she was a little bit older, super cool and she said 'I love my husband. He is great guy but I feel trapped'."
In spite of the cynical attitude that Guy, a stylist, designer and now author, so proudly promotes, he comes across as being warm and friendly. He is also rather more articulate than his book which is full of sweeping generalisations and doesn't seem unduly concerned with facts or case studies, just Guy's opinions.
Guy reveals that he took this approach because he thought it would push readers' buttons more effectively.
"I am punching people in the face rather than cajoling them round with a decent argument. My editor and I decided if you're going to make a point go the whole way.
"There are too many books out there that give respectful arguments and I was really trying to wave it in people's face that this was often the reality for people so if you're going to go into it be aware of what can happen.
"In America I am thinking of calling it Divorce and How to Avoid It, so it will seem useful rather than combative."
Guy claims the rot sets in after the wedding because couples become complacent. They lose their individuality and therefore their mystique and consequently start looking outside the relationship for thrills and romance. Not having the security of a marriage contract helps keep all parties on their toes, he says.
He suggests that children become little more than part of the perfect marital package whose lives will be ruined when the inevitable happens.
"The real reason I hate marriage is because I cannot stand divorce, so prevention is better than cure.
"When people get married and they think 'We'll have kids', They don't really think hard enough about 'is my husband or my wife going to be a great father or mother?'. If you weren't married in the first place you'd have children to be great parents, not to be a great husband and wife."
Guy, 40, does not deny that his own experiences have coloured his thinking.
His parents divorced when he was 21 but for years he had borne witness to the steady erosion of their relationship as they bickered and fought.
"I am sure it affected me," he agrees. "I have seen things first hand that I would rather not have seen."
When he was 15 the family was devastated by the death of Guy's 12-year-old brother Adam from Batten's disease, Though his mother dealt with it by becoming a bereavement counsellor, Guy's father shut himself off emotionally.
"When my parents divorced it still affected me because I still though 'Hold on. Not my parents."
"Having it ripped apart right in front of your eyes is very difficult, even at 21 because you are stuck in the middle of it."
For some years he still believed that he would get married and even got engaged. It ended when he confessed to having had an affair.
When he was 30 he moved from England to start afresh in America. It was there he met Jill, the woman he describes as the love of his life, though by that time he had made up his mind that he was never walking down the aisle.
"Jill used to say 'I love you but there is no way I would marry you'. There was absolutely no way either of use wanted to.
"She was amazingly understanding of my point of view and it was her point of view as well. I always say to people if I met the right girl she wouldn't want to marry me. Jill was that girl."
They were together for seven years, however, Jill developed multiple sclerosis. As it symptoms worsened she began to talk about dying.
Following a short business trip, Guy, concerned that she hadn't been answering his calls, went to her house where he discovered she had shot herself.
"We had a very loving communicative relationship, there was never a time we drove in the car without holding hands," he recalls.
"I was incredibly lucky to have found that. If I never find it again at least I was blessed to have had it."
Now, single, successful and 40, Guy is enjoying the search, but he says that if any of his dates think they can change his mind about marriage or having a family – he says the world is overpopulated and every child is "an environmental disaster waiting to happen" – they are wasting their time.
"I come with an instruction manual so it is not like you can make any mistakes with me. I presume there are a percentage who think they can change me. Let them keep trying."
Nor does he worry about being lonely in his old age, quite the reverse in fact.
"When I am 60, 70 or 80 there will be plenty of women out there going to want a life partner. I'll have pick of the bunch because I won't have married any of them so they won't be my ex-wives."
Marriage and How to Avoid It by Guy Blews is published by Revolver, price £6.99
