Dr Wagiha Syeda, who runs a relationships clinic at Birmingham Central Mosque tells Jo Ind what needs to happen to minimise the chances of marriages like Saira Ahmed's happening again.

The divorce rate in the UK is sufficient evidence to show that a happy marriage eludes a fair percentage of the population.

The Muslim community does not present an exception to the trend. In fact, it has particular problems of its own.
At Birmingham Central Mosque Dr Waghia Syeda runs a clinic for people with marriage problems and is the key adviser in all divorce proceedings with its Shariah Council.

In her first five years of running the clinic, she found the number of people attending for dissolution of their marriage has doubled.

That is why Dr Syeda, a retired paediatrician, made the study of marriage breakdown in the Muslim community in Birmingham’s inner city the subject of her research, for which she was awarded an MA from Birmingham University.

She says that through her counselling of women with difficulties, several themes have emerged as common reasons for marriage breakdown.

“The biggest problem is lack of knowledge of women’s rights as given in the Koran,” says Dr Syeda. “In the Koran, marriage is a contract based on the full mutual consent of the bride and groom in the presence of the witnesses and a stipulated, dower, a free gift for the bride.

“The contract is a solemn pact, a social covenant. It has religious sanctity, a sound spiritual, moral basis, and its constitution is governed by the Shariah, that grants both rights and obligations to the spouses.

“The Koran grants women’s rights similar to those of men and the relationship must be based on kindness. It enjoins husbands to live with their wives on a footing of justice and equity.”

Dr Syeda said many Muslims did not understand the spirit of the Koran.

“The Koran is not a legal document, written in the watertight language,” she says. “Many of its commands end with the reminder that God is watching over and judging everything. It illustrates the spirit in which those commands should be carried out – in good conscience open to God’s judgement and mercy.”

She says there is often an appalling deviation from the principles laid out in the Koran about the choice of marriage partner.

Many Muslims think it is imperative for first cousins to marry each other, whereas in fact that is not recommended in the Koran, especially as that is not the best option in genetic terms for the offspring.

“I’m delighted to say more and more third generation Muslim girls and boys are having an awareness of the risk involved in first cousin marriages, especially if there is already a handicapped child in the family, so I am hopeful that first cousin marriages are going to become less common in the future.”

She said marriages are often for the wrong reasons. In Birmingham most of the Muslims are from Mirpur in Kashmir. Many came over when they lost their homes when the Mangla Dam was being built.

Many see marriage as a way of bringing other members of the family to Britain, but in Dr Syeda’s experience this arrangement does not tend to work as well as those of marriages when both parties are in the same country.

Dr Syeda says education is the key to changing the situation and creating happier marriages within the Muslim community.

In order to alleviate the problem of forced marriages, Dr Syeda says the couple should consent to the marriage either verbally or in writing in front of two witnesses before the date of the marriage is fixed.

She says that when problems do arise in the marriage they should be addressed as soon as possible and misunderstandings should be clarified about their privileges and duties. An arbiter from each side should be allocated immediately to help the couple solve their differences before the marriage breaks down irretrievably.

Dr Syeda said: “Couples should be more effective in communicating with each other rather than hiding their true feelings and keeping them to themselves. If a couple can talk to each other and solve their own problems, this could be the best way to maintain the privacy and honour of the family.”

To see Dr Syeda after Ramadan make an appointment by calling 0121 440 5355

> Saira Ahmed's story