Another week, another astonishing document arrives from the shopfloor at Bournville. Some companies have a very odd way of treating their workers these days...

In the latest Orwellian utterances from the chocolate thought police that rule where the Quakers once reigned with old-style benevolent paternalism, workers have been given a list of 30 “unacceptable examples of behaviour.” The spirit of Pyongyang thrives in Birmingham suburbia, it seems.

A gentleman called Simpson Ovans, who glories in the title of Head of Manufacturing-Bournville, has written to his ‘colleagues’ to announce he is taking all employees on a Training Needs Analysis in the ‘next stage of our transformation journey.’ It’s not exactly a works outing to Skegness or Aberdovey, this one.

Simpson is clearly a man of exacting standards. The TNA (you are never far from an acronym in today’s workplace lexicon) is a work of art in itself, a sort of the Moonies meet Stasi for a corporate bonding day at David Brent’s offices.

Simpson, and whoever else put their name to this Lennonesque Mind Games exercise, would not be the sort of folk for a riotous works party down the Lamb and Flag, I suspect.

Listing 30 examples of “unacceptable” behaviour, the “Training Needs Analysis” highlights a whole raft of behaviours that could lead to stern words on the Roses or Creme Eggs production lines.

They include ‘Poor use of language and struggles to get point across,’ ‘Disruptive to the progress of the team – self-promotes,’ ‘Unable to persuade others and change opinion. Obstructive towards meeting objectives.’

Simpson and the thought police also do not like workers who ‘give up at first sign of difficulty’ are ‘unable to think laterally and see other viewpoints.’ They bristle at ‘closed minds’which are ‘unable to think beyond the problem.’ They wave a yellow card at a ‘failure to interpret critical information’ or ‘poor attention to detail.’

By contrast the Bournville bosses are full of praise for what they term ‘Strong examples of behaviour.’ Simpson and co like those who ‘speak articulately in clear and unambiguous language,’ are ‘mentally adaptable and change direction well’ and are ‘positive and energetic, giving confidence to others.’ And so the document goes on and on and on and on and on..

And Simpson is even putting the workers who are taking redundancy (205 in total) on his so-called ‘transformation journey.’

He says: “Even if you expressed an interest to leave the business through MVR – it’s important you still go through the TNA process. This will help identify any training or support needs you may have to continue to do your job well.”

Back in October Simpson had written to workers in a previous document called ‘High performing bournville - is this for me?’

“It is vital that every single one of our colleagues understands that to become high performing Bournville, every one of us will need to change and will be touched by our journey at some point over the next two and a half years.”

The backcloth to Simpson’s diktats is the continuing fallout from Kraft’s £11 billion-plus takeover of Cadbury in February 2010, a decision that largely revolved on the money-making whims of 60 fund managing institutional shareholders.

Irene Rosenfeld, the rather scary boss at the helm of Kraft once voted the second most powerful woman in the world behind Michelle Obama, jetted into Bournville in October 2010 to proclaim the factory as the ‘heart and soul’ of the Cadbury empire – and declare her love of Curly-Wurlies. But the honeymoon period did not last long.

A two-year moratorium on manufacturing job losses expired long ago and Bournville is now, in the curious terminology of Mondelez International speak, on a ‘transformational journey’ in its quest to become Chocolate Supplier of Choice.

In January 2014 Mondelez International announced a £75 million programme of investment in the factory to replace ageing equipment with new production lines.

That process is firmly under way, and 205 manufacturing workers are walking out with redundancy packages. But there is daily pain in that process, as long-serving workers accustomed to the Cadbury ways of old are indoctrinated in the brave new world of Simpson Ovans.

In the foreword to the Penguin version of one of the great English novels, George Orwell’s 1984, Ben Pimlott writes of the ‘assassination of language’ as a critical theme of the tale of Winston Smith and Big Brother. He writes: “Orwell was making an observation that is as relevant to the behaviour of petty bureaucrats as of dictators, when he noted the eagerness with which truth-evaders shy away from well-known words and substitute their own.”

No-one is suggesting that the bosses at Bournville are attempting world domination a la Orwell’s Big Brother.

But lengthy and entirely subjective lists of corporate ‘unacceptable behaviours’ and so-called ‘transformation journeys’ owe a considerable debt to the intimidatory mind games which have characterised totalitarian regimes down the centuries.

The workplace of 2015 is a minefield for all of us in an era of conformity and corporate image often masking ruthless reality.

That certainly seems to be the case over at Bournville.